[ Warning: Author of this blog post is deeply frustrated and confused, and her thoughts are extremely messed up. Please forgive if you fail to understand what she is trying to say. I'm not sure she understands what she's writing either.]

Ah, when reality just slaps you in the face.

I was just thinking back on a Literature lesson we had once; Poetry, where the discussion was on:

Expectations VS Reality.

It was about this lady, who made the decision to leave her husband-to-be after a family problem surfaced.

I never really quite understood what the significance of this was, but I guess I finally realised.

I was astounded, at first.
" Who would do that? She has no conscience!"

Then I was told not to be too judgemental; I would never know what I would do if I were in that situation.

I laughed it off, saying, " Nah, of course, I wouldn't do that! If I truly loved someone, I would never have done that."

Which brings me to my point:

I didn't know that I wouldn't do that.

Let me just relate an experience.

" I have imagined hundreds of many different scenarios, hundreds of great parting lines. What would you say, if I had told you? I guess, now, I finally know."

Even the worst I seem to expect, will never turn out to be the way that I had imagined it to be.

I kept wondering, for the many years of my life, why adults seemed to constantly remind me that I never really understood what this world was like. The pressures of this society, the frustrations and burdens.

Expectations: I thought I understood how this world worked.

Reality: Quite frankly, I don't.

For almost every day of my life, I look back, and wonder if I had made the right choice; telling the truth about what I felt.

I felt being straight-forward and blunt was good; afterall, why give someone false hope? Why give false assurance that everything will be fine when you should be preparing someone for the worst?

I thought that people would appreciate it.

But not exactly. Humans love assurance; even when they know themselves that its not going to be resolved that easily.

So I did what I felt was right. I told the truth, I confessed what I really thought of the situation.

Of course, the answer was nothing like what I had expected.

I don't know, I just feel quite confused.

Should we even try to expect?

Seems like the more we expect, the harder we fall.

So what's the point of expecting, anticipating?



Expectations versus reality,

Was something I never quite understood.


Till the very day,

I watched you walk away.

The raindrops fell gently on the window pane,

As my life just ebbed away.


False sense of bravery,

Masked with regret.

I hear your voice, still,

Inside my head.


I wish I had the courage;

The courage to step into the unknown.

Yet I never have the guts,

To pick up the phone.


Turn your head and run,
Just don’t look back.

Lest, you realise,

You actually regret.


Do what you do best,

Just turn and settle for less.

The reminiscent of you still remains,

And the aching feeling just resurfaced.


And right now,

There’s just no reason left to try.